Memories
by NCISMcGee
Summary: A look into Leia's thoughts from ESB through ROTJ and a little beyond. Han/Leia. I fixed the problem with the last chapter. Not sure what happened there.
1. Chapter 1

Hi again!

This was written as a sort of journal/diary entry from Leia's point of view. It follows cannon from ESB through ROTJ. I broke it down into 'pages' so it is easier to read as I wrote it all together as one LONG story.

Everything you recognize from the movies belongs to George Lucas. Everything else is from my head.

Enjoy!

_It's hard to believe that it all started with a kiss. Well, not ALL of it, there were some moments before that, but the defining moment that led up to now was that one kiss. A stolen kiss on a disabled ship hiding from the Imperials, (in a space slug no less) its passengers scrambling to get the hunk of junk back together to avoid certain death. Not exactly a romantic setting. Damn him. How is it that despite the fact that someone can be so stuck up, egotistical, half witted and irritating they can also be kind, gentle, caring, funny and, dare I say it, loveable? Yes, in that brief moment, that one kiss, I realized something. I, Princess Leia Organa, had fallen completely head over heels in love with Captain Han Solo, pirate and scoundrel. Good Gods, what was the universe coming to?_

_Until that point, I considered him more of a nuisance than anything. I mean, sure he was a great help to the Rebellion, after all he did save Luke's life (twice) and he was one of the best pilots we had, but the man was just so annoying. I swear I think he really enjoyed arguing with me. Every time I turned around he would find something, anything, to get me started. It always ended the same way too; we would both get angry, say a whole lot of things neither of us really meant and then storm off in opposite directions. Not this argument though, oh no, this one ended up quite differently. (All though I did end up running away from him.) I didn't know what to do. So, like a fool, I locked myself in the cockpit of the Falcon and tried to pretend it never happened. (Gods, how juvenile.) So after we had finally escaped several Imperial Star Destroyers and Han broke the bad news that we had no hope of repairing the hyper drive and would have to travel to Bespin in sub-light speed I was not very happy. I wanted to curse the Gods that it was going to take us almost three and a half standard weeks, yes almost a whole month, to get there. After all, how was I supposed to resist those beautiful eyes, that cocky smile, that gorgeous body (okay, my mind is wandering again) for almost four weeks trapped in such close quarters? This was not good. To my surprise, he was a perfect gentleman about the whole situation. I found myself shocked when he came to me the first night of the trip (well night according to our sleep cycles, it's kind of hard to distinguish in space after all) and told me he had cleaned up his cabin for me to use. At first I tried to refuse, asking him where he intended to sleep. He said he would be fine, not to worry about it. He never once mentioned the kiss either._

_So later that night I found myself tossing and turning, unable to sleep despite the fact that I was exhausted. I found myself wandering towards the cockpit where I knew he would be. He had offered to take the first watch. Since our long range sensors were down (in addition to the hyper space) and he flat out refused to turn 3P0 back on, we had to keep a watch out for other ships and space debris. I softly walked in and settled into the oversized co-pilots chair. I was expecting a smart remark, but he just turned to me and smiled. _

"_Couldn't sleep?" _

_I remember hearing the concern in his voice. I shook my head and sighed. It took me a moment to realize he was staring at me, a goofy grin spreading across his face. Then it occurred to me. My sleep deprived mind had forgotten to tell me to dress more appropriately. There I was sitting in the (suddenly) very small cockpit of the Falcon with Han only mere inches away, and all I was wearing was one of his t-shirts he had lent me as a night shirt. My feet were bare and my hair was completely loose of the braids I normally kept it in. I could feel myself blushing as I suddenly became very self conscious. I tried to pull the hem of the shirt further down my bare legs without much success. _

_He surprised me when he quietly whispered "You're beautiful." _

_I stopped fidgeting with the shirt and stared at him. He leaned in and brushed a stray piece of hair from my face. His hand returned to cup my cheek gently. I should have stopped him as he leaned in even closer but instead I found myself staring into his beautiful hazel eyes. The kiss started like the first one, gently, but as his hand tangled in my hair it became deeper, more passionate. I started to panic; no one had ever kissed me like that before. I pushed him back slightly. _

"_Han stop." _

_He looked hurt. "Why?" _

_I stood up and turned to leave. "Leia please. What's wrong?" _

"_I'm sorry. I just…can't do this." _

_I couldn't possibly tell him the real reason, he probably would have laughed. So I just ran back to my (his) cabin and cried myself to sleep._


	2. Chapter 2

_While I was braiding my hair in the morning, I heard a gentle tap on the door. _

"_Leia?" _

_I was surprised he was being so nice. I really just expected him to barge in and demand an explanation. "Leia are you awake?" _

"_Yes." _

"_Can I come in?" _

"_Sure." _

_I could see how tired he was a soon as he walked in the cabin. "Have you slept at all?" _

_He shook his head. "I was getting ready to crash, but I wanted to talk to you first. About last night." _

_I looked at the floor. "Oh." _

"_I'm sorry if I upset you." _

_I looked up at him. "You didn't upset me Han." _

_He looked puzzled. "Then why did you run away from me?" _

_Damn, I knew he would ask. I sighed and stood up. "I don't know. I'm just ...I'm not ready." I remember getting teary eyed and cursing myself inwardly. _

"_Hey, it's okay." He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. He kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you. I shouldn't have been so forward. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do." _

_He held me for a few seconds then pulled back slightly. He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up towards him. "Are you okay?" _

_I nodded. He kissed my forehead. "By the way, I really like your outfit." _

_I had completely forgotten that I was wearing his clothes. I had rummaged around and found a set of clothes that, with a few alterations, I could wear. I laughed a little. "Oh, I hope you don't mind. All I had was that grungy snow suit." _

"_Not at all; it's a good look on you." _

_After we both laughed about my ill fitting wardrobe, I asked him where he was going to sleep. He told me he was going to sleep on a spare cot in Chewie's room. I told him that was nonsense, I was up and he should sleep in his own bunk. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead again before letting me go and sitting on the edge of the bunk. He was pulling off his boots as I walked out the door._

_I didn't see him the rest of the morning or that afternoon. I had relieved Chewie and took my turn on watch. Things were uneventful; I was thankful that it seemed no one was following us. I was sitting in Han's chair at the controls of the ship trying desperately to think of something to ward off the boredom when I felt two very strong and warm hands slide across my shoulders. I jumped a little in surprise at the feeling. _

"_Sorry Leia didn't mean to scare you." He squeezed my shoulders a bit then dropped down in to the co-pilots chair. _

_I smiled at him. "It's okay." _

_He proceeded to tell me that he had fixed the long range sensors (with Chewie's help) and we wouldn't have to take turns on watch anymore. I nodded and told him that was good news. We sat in silence for a few minutes just staring out at the stars. _

"_Why are you afraid of me?" His question caught me off guard. The look on his face was a cross between confused and angry. _

"_What are you talking about?" _

_He reached over and took my hand. "Why are you afraid of me?" _

"_I'm not afraid of you." _

"_Then why are you trembling?" _

_(Gods, why did this sound so much like the same conversation that led to that damn kiss?) I looked away from him and back out at the stars. "I won't hurt you." _

_For some unknown reason I became angry. _

"_No, Han, you'll just leave me after you get what you want!" _

_I could tell he was getting angry as well. He let go of my hand. "Is that what you think of me? Do you think I'm that shallow?" _

"_Look me in the eye and tell me you'll stay." _

_He looked down at the floor. "Leia, you know I can't..." _

"_Exactly!" I cut him off._

_He stood up and put his hands on his hips. "Damn it! Do you have any idea of what it's like for me? You're not the only one living with the fear that the next person you run into will take you down and cart you off to some sick, evil bastard! It's not easy knowing that half the galaxy doesn't think of you as a person but as a pay check! I'm tired of running Leia. I'm tired of running from Jabba, I'm tired of running from Vader. I know deep inside that I will never have a normal life. I can't make any promises that I might not be around to keep. I'm sorry if me trying to be nice to you has offended you, your worship! I guess you're only truly happy when you are miserable!" _

_With that, he stormed out of the cockpit, leaving me in stunned silence. I remember thinking to myself 'did he really just admit to being afraid?' I sighed and got up to go find him._


	3. Chapter 3

_It took me a few minutes, but I found him sitting in the gunner's turret. "Are you going to come down from there so we can talk?" _

_He huffed. "What's there to talk about?" _

"_I'll come up there if I have to." _

_He mumbled something under his breath then climbed the ladder back down to the deck. He looked really mad at me. "What?" he snapped. _

"_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It wasn't fair." _

_He stared at me for a moment then lowered his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled, but you know what I said was true. Despite my reputation and whatever you may think of me, I don't make promises that I know I can't I keep." _

_I nodded silently, knowing he was right. I thought about telling him the whole truth, but I talked myself out of it. He looked back up at me and smiled. "So, are we still friends?" _

_I smiled back. "I hope so."_

_He pulled me into a hug and held me for a few minutes then he kissed the top of my head. "Come on; let's go get something to eat." I nodded and we walked to the galley hand in hand._

_After we ate we talked for a while. Nothing particular, mainly about the Rebellion and how I came to be one of the so called 'leaders' of the whole mess. He told me a little about himself how he ended up being on Jabba's most wanted list and the whole story of how he crossed paths with Luke. It was strange that we never seemed to have an actual conversation before; at least not one that didn't include him calling me some kind of name or me calling him a nerf herder or insulting his ship. It was nice. When it came time to go to sleep, we walked back to the sleeping quarters together. I admit that I was a little disappointed when he gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me goodnight before disappearing into Chewie's room. After I changed and got into the bed, I clutched one of his pillows tightly to my chest and inhaled deeply. Just the smell of him lingering on the pillow was enough to make me smile. I settled down and fell asleep holding the pillow tightly._

_I don't really remember what the nightmare was about, but I woke up in his warm embrace. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding me in his arms, gently stroking my hair. I remember feeling his bare chest against my cheek as I rested my head against him. We sat like that for the longest time, my arms around him and his hand gently rubbing my back. (Reluctantly) I pulled away from him and rubbed my eyes. He gently brushed the hair back from my face, his hands staying to cup my cheeks. He looked at me as if he were waiting for a protest. When he didn't get one, he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine in the softest of kisses. He pulled me into another embrace and whispered in my ear. _

"_Are you all right?" _

_I nodded and sniffled. He let go of me and went to stand up. I grabbed his hands and he looked surprised. "Stay." I whispered. _

"_Are you sure?" _

_I looked down, slightly embarrassed. "I just don't want to be alone. I want you to hold me." _

_He nodded in understanding before moving to pull me down on the bed with him. I rested my head on his chest listening to the calming sound of his heart beating as he wrapped his arms around me. I remember feeling so safe and peaceful in his arms. I slept through the rest of the night without any more nightmares._


	4. Chapter 4

_The rest of the journey to Bespin went by without much excitement. Han and I continued to share his room at night and he never once tried to push things on me. Sure, during the day he would corner me every chance he got and try to kiss me silly. Whenever we were out of sight of Chewie and 3P0 (whom he reluctantly turned back on), he would pull me into his arms and kiss me some more. But at night he was a different man. He was quiet and gentle and never once took advantage of the situation. I remember lying in his arms the night before we reached Bespin thinking how much I was going to miss waking up in his warm embrace every morning._

_We arrived at Bespin late in the afternoon. From the moment we stepped off the ship I could feel something was wrong. Han tried to assure me that everything would be fine, but I just knew it wouldn't. I couldn't help but feel a sense of evil as Lando walked us through the city. (Only now do I know why.) He showed us to a large suite and invited us to dinner. I made mention that I didn't have any clothes. (I had changed back into the snow suit figuring it would look rather odd for me to wear Han's clothes off the ship.) Han smiled at me and told me he would take care of it. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving with Lando and Chewie. I walked around for a few minutes checking out our suite. It was so much nicer than being stuck on the Falcon for a month. I wandered into one of the bedrooms and smiled. A king sized bed with beautiful silk bed linens was the focal point of the room. I was even happier to find there was an actual fresh water shower (Funny how you can miss things like that so much.) After taking a vey long, hot shower, I walked into the bedroom to find several sets of clean clothes on the bed. I was looking through them trying to decide what to wear when Han walked into the room. "I hope you like what I picked out." I smiled at him. "They're lovely. Thank you." I noticed he was staring at me again and it dawned on me that I was only wearing a towel. I should have yelled at him, but instead I picked up the dress I was going to wear and walked back into the fresher to change. On our way to dinner I noticed 3P0 wasn't with us. Han told me to relax he had probably gotten lost. I still felt uneasy about the whole thing. After a wonderful dinner, Lando walked us back to our suite. It was funny to see the jealousy surface in Han when Lando said goodnight and kissed my hand. I almost had to laugh at the look on his face. _

_Once inside, Chewie growled his goodnight and went off to one of the bedrooms. Without warning, Han pulled me into his arms and kissed me. After having to break for air, I stepped back from him. I could see the disappointment in his eyes._

"_We should get some sleep." _

_He sighed but just nodded in agreement. I kissed him softly before turning and walking into the bedroom. I expected him to follow me, but after I changed for bed and noticed he hadn't come into the bedroom, I knew he wasn't. I wondered what had changed so quickly. The feeling of dread that had been with me since we landed surfaced again and I became afraid, and not just because I knew he was going to leave as soon as he could. I sighed and settled down to try and sleep even though I couldn't shake the feeling we were in serious trouble._

I don't know if it was the bad feeling or not having his arms around me, but I had another nightmare that night. I dreamt that both Luke and Han were taken from me. I woke up in his strong, protective embrace again. I remember him rubbing my back gently and whispering soothing words in my ear as I cried. I fell asleep curled up against him, still feeling like I was going to lose him, and not by his own doing.


	5. Chapter 5

_I woke up the next morning with him lying behind me, one arm wrapped tightly around me and the other draped over my waist. I tried to move away from him, but that only resulted in him pulling me even closer and whispering my name in my ear. I said his name softly to see if he was awake or if he was dreaming. The response I got was him placing soft kisses on the side of my neck. I felt a mild panic set in when his hand slid beneath my nightshirt to caress my stomach. I said his name again and he mumbled something against my neck. I tired to pull myself from his hold. He mumbled again and I could tell he was more asleep than awake. I began to struggle against his hold. _

"_Han stop! Please." I could tell he woke up fully at that point because he pulled away from me like I was on fire._

"_Leia! I'm so sorry." His voice was panic stricken. _

_Not knowing how to respond I just jumped out of the bed and ran into the fresher, locking the door behind me._

_When I finally emerged, I found both Han and Chewie were gone. I figured they went to check on the Falcon. I had so many things running through my mind. I still had the feeling of dread in my stomach that just wouldn't let up, my feelings for Han were becoming stronger, I was still wondering where in the world 3P0 could have gone and the events of that morning were still running through my mind. I paced the floor thinking. I already admitted to myself that I loved him. There was no denying it. But I knew he didn't love me. At least I didn't think he did. Everything was so confusing. If he loved me he wouldn't be leaving. My thoughts were interrupted when the door to the suite opened and Han walked in. He told me the repairs on the ship were almost done and I told him the sooner the better. Then I asked him about 3P0. He kissed my forehead then we sat down. I told him I didn't trust Lando. He admitted that he didn't either but we would soon be gone. _

"_Then you're as good as gone." I said to him. _

_He looked at me for a few seconds. "Leia, you know I can't stay. We talked about this." He took my hand. "I'm sorry, but you know why I have to go." _

"_Are you coming back?" _

_He lowered his eyes to the floor "I guess that means no." _

"_You know I can't promise you that. Hell, I don't even know if I'll walk away from Jabba without him killing me just for the sport of it." _

_I nodded silently in understanding. _

"_I'm sorry about this morning." His voice was soft and he rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. _

"_It's all right." _

_We both turned towards the sound of the door opening to be greeted by Chewie carrying what was left of 3P0 in a box. A few moments later Lando showed up and invited us all for refreshments. My mind tried to tell me something was wrong again as we walked through the halls. I think Chewie may have sensed something also because I remember seeing him looking around like we were being watched. As we reached the door I had a sharp feeling of evil wash over me. Before I could warn Han, Lando opened the door to reveal my feelings were true. There stood Vader before us._


	6. Chapter 6

_We were separated and put in different holding cells. I could hear Han's screams of pain as he was tortured. I felt like my heart was being torn out every time he cried out. Eventually, I was taken from my cell and roughly shoved into another only to see Chewie and Han already there. I rushed to Han's side to see if he was all right. A couple of minutes later Lando came in. I was half hoping Chewie would get a chance to tear his head off (literally) before the guards got to him. Then Lando revealed that Vader was using us as bait to lure Luke into confronting him. I could see the fury burning in Han's eyes as he spoke to Lando. He lashed out and punched Lando without warning. The guards were quick to take him down and Lando stopped them before they could hurt him further. After a few more bitter words Lando left. Chewie and I helped Han up from the floor and he inhaled sharply in pain. _

"_I think they broke a rib." He groaned as we put him back on the slab that served as a bunk. _

_I kissed his forehead and told him to let me look. I unbuttoned his shirt to find he was covered in burn marks on his chest and stomach. I swallowed hard knowing what caused his screams earlier. I could already see an ugly purple bruise beginning to form on his side. I touched gently to see if I could feel any bones poking at the skin. Fortunately, I didn't and I buttoned up his shirt _

"_I think it might be bruised, I don't feel any breaks." _

_He just groaned in response._

_Han didn't get much of a chance to rest. Before long, we were all being pulled out of the cell by stormtroopers and led to the carbon freeze chamber. As soon as I heard the words 'what if he doesn't survive' I began to panic. Everything I had been feeling, all of the worry I saw in my nightmare was happening. I could see the fear in Han's eyes and I'm sure he could see it reflected in mine too. I nearly broke down in tears as Han yelled at Chewie, telling him he had to take care of me. I knew what he was doing. He was transferring his life debt with Chewie to me. He thought he wasn't going to live past the next few minutes. Suddenly he kissed me and I never wanted the moment to end. Then he was being pulled away too quickly. The look he gave me as he was being dragged to the platform told me everything. He didn't have to say a word. I had to tell him so I just blurted it out. _

"_I love you!" My voice caught in my throat, tears at the corners of my eyes. _

_He gave me a sad smile. "I know." _

_The tears threatened to fall as he was lowered into the chamber. The look on his face was a mixture of terror and regret as the cold fog enveloped him. I think I stopped breathing at that point and only started again after Lando announced that he had survived. I felt a brief moment of relief wash over me, but it was gone all too quickly as Vader told the bounty hunter to take Han and for the rest of us to be taken to his ship. Lando protested (not that I cared at that point, Lando was a traitor to Han) but Vader quickly silenced him. I wondered how in the galaxy we were going to get Han back as we were led through the halls of the city. Everything was confusing for a few moments after Luke showed up and I tried to warn him it was a trap, then again when Lando's security team ambushed the Imperials in the hall. My grief turned to anger and I had half a mind to let Chewie strangle him. When he managed to tell us there was still a chance to save Han, another brief flutter of hope surfaced, but it was taken away once again as I watched the ship carrying Han's frozen form lift off from the landing platform. _

_My time to mourn was brief as the stormtroopers opened fire on us. We barely managed to escape aboard the Falcon in one piece._


	7. Chapter 7

_Not only was I mourning the loss of Han, I was also worried about Luke. After hearing Luke call to me, we managed to rescue him and get away from the Imperials. We had a two day flight ahead of us to reach the Alliance. I spent most of the trip in silence. I slept in his cabin, once again clutching his pillow to my chest. It was all I had to remind me of him. I cried myself to sleep, dreaming of saving Han. Once we met up with the fleet, Luke was taken to sick bay and Lando and Chewie began preparing for Han's rescue right away. _

_I remember standing in the sick bay with Luke watching the Falcon fly off and hearing Lando's promise to find him. I felt Luke put his arm around my shoulders and then I felt the tears finally begin to fall. I broke down into body racking sobs as Luke held me. After I composed myself a little, Luke walked me to my cabin. We sat and talked for a long while. I confessed to him that I had fallen in love with Han and he smiled and told me he knew for quite a while. I apologized for the kiss in the med ward at Hoth when I was trying to make Han jealous. (Looking back now that was SO wrong in SO many ways.) He laughed a little and said it was okay. I remember him promising that we would get Han back before he left for the night and I knew deep inside he meant it._

_It was almost a year before we received word from Lando that he had found Han and had managed to get inside Jabba's palace. It was a long lonely year; a year full of nightmares that no one was there to hold me after. I missed him so much. Talking to Luke helped some, but he had immersed himself in his Jedi training and that kept him pretty busy. Also, the war against the Empire continued to rage on and the Alliance continued its struggle to defeat the Imperials. I was kept pretty busy myself struggling to keep us afloat amid money problems and the normal toils of war. I had just about reached the end of my rope when Lando contacted us. I felt a new reason to continue swell within me and my heart leapt in excitement to know that Han was still alive. Once Lando informed us that Han was still frozen, I began to worry again. _

_I spent the three days it took for Luke and me to get to Tatooine researching the long term effects of the carbon freeze. It was frustrating and terrifying to read it all. His body was basically suspended in time but his mind would still be functioning. It was often associated with the feeling of being buried alive. This often led to mental instability once the person was freed. There was also the possibility of permanent loss of sight or hearing and damage to the internal organs due to the deep freeze of the body tissue. I hoped that once we freed him, he would be lucky and not suffer any permanent damage._

_Once I finally made it inside Jabba's palace, the moment came I was both dreading and anticipating at the same time. I had to free Han from his frozen prison. I was terrified when his body slumped over and fell to the floor. I had no idea what shape he would be in or if he would even know who I was. I prayed to every God there was as I gently turned him over. His skin was cold and he shook violently as I pulled him into my lap. I could see the fear and confusion on his face as he told me he couldn't see. I tried to reassure him (as well as myself) that it was only temporary. I was overjoyed when he recognized my voice after I took off the bounty hunter helmet and kissed him. The joy was short lived (as usual). He was taken from me again and I was sent off to become one of Jabba's 'slaves'. _

_After Luke's failed attempt to rescue us and his battle with the rancor he and Han were brought before Jabba. I could still see the confusion on his face as he asked where I was. My stomach turned as Jabba (through 3P0's translation) told Luke and Han their fate. I was so afraid as Luke, Han and Chewie were put on the skiff and taken to the sarlac pit. After a fierce battle that resulted in the destruction of Jabba and his cronies, we escaped relatively unharmed and were soon heading off planet._


	8. Chapter 8

_Luke had gone off to complete his training and the rest of us set a course to meet up with the fleet. After making sure Han was resting (all though he claimed he was fine, he can be so stubborn sometimes) I got Chewie to cut the collar off of me and changed out of that awful outfit Jabba made me wear (I should have chucked it out the airlock) A short while into our trip, Han's eyesight had started to improve, but I noticed his breathing was becoming labored. I made him go to his cabin and lay down. Of course he protested and the only way I could get him to stay put was to stay with him. _

_I sat on the edge of the bed and he gently brushed his fingers across the red marks on my neck from that stupid collar. _

"_Did he hurt you?" he asked quietly. _

_I shook my head. "No, I'm fine." _

_He cupped my cheek with his hand. (Gods how much I missed his touch.) "I missed you" he whispered. "You were all I thought about. That was the only thing keeping me sane, thinking of seeing you again, touching you, kissing you." _

_I felt tears in my eyes. I brushed my fingers across his cheek. "I missed you too. I was so alone." _

_He pulled me gently towards him until our lips met in a soft kiss. After a few seconds we parted and he gently caressed my cheek "You know I was thinking, now that I don't have to worry about Jabba I figured I could hang around for a while and help out." _

_A smile came to my face. "You mean you're staying?" _

_He smiled and nodded. "That is, if you want me to." _

"_Of course I do you nerf herder." He smiled at my use of his nickname and kissed me again. I was so happy he was staying. He took my hand and we laid together, my head resting on his shoulder. _

"_So what's been going on while I was away?" _

_I began to tell him what he had missed. I told him about Luke losing his hand, the Alliance having to move twice in the span of four months and all the other things that went along with fighting a war. During our talk, I noticed his breathing had become more ragged and he began coughing. I began to worry, realizing he hadn't completely escaped the effects of the carbon freeze. "Han? Are you all right?" _

"_I don't feel so good." He groaned. His cough intensified and I helped him sit up. _

"_I think we should get you to sick bay." _

_He doubled over in pain and I noticed the sleeve of his shirt was speckled with blood. _

"_Hang on Han; I'm going to get Chewie." _

_I ran like a mad woman to the cockpit calling for Chewie. He quickly appeared, roaring what I assumed was his response to my panic stricken voice. "Chewie, quick, it's Han! We need to get him to sick bay." _

_Lando had come out behind Chewie. "Leia, what's going on?" _

"_Han's sick. He's having trouble breathing and he's coughing up blood." _

_They both followed me back to Han's cabin. "After effects of the carbon freeze?" Lando asked as we made our way back. _

"_Yes, I think he's been bleeding internally this whole time." _

_Han was now lying on the bunk, gasping for air, the sheet stained with blood. _

"_Oh no! Han!" _

_Chewie and Lando quickly got him up and into sick bay. Fortunately, we were only a little over a day away from meeting up with the fleet. I kept Han sedated so he wouldn't cause any more damage to his already broken body. I had forgotten that his body was in suspended animation so all of the damage that was done to him in Bespin had still not healed either. I sat by him the whole flight and gently stroked his hair back from his forehead and talked softly to him. Lando had contacted the Alliance in advance and told them to have a full medical team waiting upon our arrival. As soon as we docked, Han was rushed to the triage area._


	9. Chapter 9

_After spending two days in the bacta tank, Han was moved to the recovery area. I was sitting next to him when he woke up. He was still groggy and his voice was hoarse when he spoke. _

"_I must be dead." _

_I gave him a puzzled look. "What?" _

"_I see an angel." He gave me a weak smile. _

_I shook my head and smiled as well. "Only you would joke about dying." I took his hand and gave him a kiss. "You really scared me there." I whispered in his ear. _

"_I know, I thought I would never see you again", he rasped back. _

_For a moment it looked like he was going to cry, but he quickly changed the subject. "So, any news on what the Empire is tip to?" _

"_Yes, we have a meeting in a few days. Apparently it something big."_

"_You don't know?" _

_I blushed slightly. "Well, I was briefed rather quickly; I wanted to be here with you." _

_He squeezed my hand. "Aw princess, I'm flattered." _

_I had to laugh._

"_Seriously Leia. Thanks. Thanks for not giving up on me." _

"_I would never give up on you. I love you Han." _

_He smiled and we kissed again. _

"_I see you're feeling better." We both jumped at the sound of Lando's voice. _

_I could feel my face turning red as Lando gave me a knowing smile. I knew Lando wanted to have a long talk with Han. He had already apologized to me a thousand times over and I assured him there were no hard feelings. I knew Han would never carry a grudge against him either, but I also knew Lando had to clear things up for his own sake. I left the two of them to talk and went to the command center to find out more about our upcoming mission._

_Two days later Han was released from the med ward and was back to normal. (Well, normal as far as his physical ailments, he was never normal mentally.) Everyone had gathered in the main conference room waiting for the announcement of our plan of attack. I smiled to myself as I saw Lando in his full military uniform, having accepted a position as general with the Alliance. We all quieted down to listen to the plan. I remember the shock of hearing General Madine call Han 'general Solo'. He looked uncomfortable when I gave him a questioning look. I also remember the scathing look he gave Luke when he came into the conference. (Stupid jealous nerf herder.) It was kind of funny though. _

_After the meeting broke up, I managed to get Han alone for a few minutes. I smiled at him. _

"_General Solo?" I think it was the first time I ever saw him blush. "When did this happen?" _

"_That day Lando and me were in sick bay. Rieekan came to me after Lando left and offered me a permanent position with the Alliance as a general. I figured what the hell; I might as well do something decent for a change." _

"_Don't underestimate yourself Han. You have done more than your share of decent things over the last four years." _

_He smiled sheepishly. "Well, I figured now that I don't have a price on my head…" _

_He trailed off and looked at me like he wasn't being completely honest with me. _

_I was waiting for him to say it. I knew he loved me, but I needed to hear it. He had yet to actually tell me. He kissed me gently. _

"_I have to go see Rieekan real quick. I'll meet you in the hangar." _

_With that he walked down the hall. Damn him. Why couldn't he just say it? I headed off with a sigh to meet Luke and the rest of the strike team in the hangar._

_I was already in the shuttle with Luke getting prepared for take off when Han came in the cockpit. He gave my shoulder a small squeeze as he passed me before sitting in the pilot s chair He sat there with a lost look in his eyes as he stared at the Falcon. _

"_Hey, you awake?"_

_He snapped out of his daydream. He confessed that he had a bad feeling that he would never see the Falcon again. I wasn't sure if he meant he was afraid Lando wouldn't make it back or we wouldn't (or both for that matter). I pushed the thought away and patted him on the shoulder._

"_Come on general. Let's move." I couldn't help but call him by his newly appointed title. _

"_Right. Chewie, let's see what this piece of junk can do." With that we lifted off and headed out of the hangar on our way to Endor._


	10. Chapter 10

_Once we reached Endor it took a few tense minutes for us to be granted permission to land. I remember feeling creepy when Luke said he could sense Vader as we were passing the command ship. Han tried to tell him he was imagining things, but I could feel it too. (Now I know why.) We landed and got the team organized before heading out for our target. When Han managed to blow our cover (imagine that), Luke and I found ourselves chasing down several Imperial scouts on a speeder bike. I barely remember seeing the one I was chasing slam into a tree before I passed out. I woke up being poked with a stick. At first I thought it was Han being juvenile. I jumped up with all intentions of yelling at him only to realize I was looking at a little furry creature. I thought I had hit my head really hard and was dreaming. Well, the little fuzz ball (great, now I'm starting to sound like Han) helped me get away from a couple more scouts then took me back to his village. I wanted to look for Han and Luke but realized I had no idea where they were. I didn't even know where I was! I sat around worrying that they had been captured (or worse) until I heard a big commotion and went to see what was going on._

_It seemed that had been captured after all. It was slightly amusing when they were lugged into the village, but I knew we had to get things moving and make our way to the shield generator. Thanks to some convincing on behalf of 3PO (and a lot of help from Luke) they were set free. I ran to Han and kissed him, happy to see him alive. I also caught him giving Luke another dirty look when I hugged him. Later, as we sat and listened to 3P0 tell our story to the Ewoks, I held Han's arm and laid my head on his shoulder. I saw Luke leave the hut and followed him while Han was arguing with 3PO. After Luke told me about our relationship and who our real father was, I was floored. Nothing had prepared me for that big of a twist. I was still trying to process what Luke had confessed as he slipped off into the night. I was still standing in shock when Han found me. There was no way I could tell him what Luke had just said. He got angry (jealous) and turned to storm off. I was a bit surprised when he stopped and told me he was sorry. I wrapped my arms around him and told him to hold me. I was so afraid. I had just lost Luke and could not stand the thought of loosing Han. He held me for a while as I cried. That night we slept in each other s arms just as we had so many times before on the Falcon._

_Early the next morning, we set out to meet the rest of the squad at the generator. It seemed things were going well until we were ambushed and captured. I was truly beginning to wonder how we were going to get out of there when all hell broke loose. I lost track of Han for a few minutes before we both ended up at the entrance to the bunker. Han covered me while I tried to open the door then we both fought off the stormtroopers as we waited for R2 to reach us. After R2 was blown up, Han said lie could try to hot wire the panel. I covered him as he worked on the door. _

"_I got it!" he shouted triumphantly only to have the blast doors slam shut. _

_He made a face and I was about to say something smart when I was hit. A searing pain shot through my arm and Han quickly grabbed me and pushed me under what little cover the bunker wall offered. I tried to reassure him it wasn't that bad. Han gave me a panicked look when the stormtroopers came up behind him and shouted for us to freeze. He smiled when I showed him that I still had my blaster. _

"_I love you." _

_He could have picked a better setting, but he finally said it! For whatever reason, I responded to him the same way he had to me when I first told him. _

"_I know." _

_After dealing with the stormtroopers, we managed to trick the Imperials into opening the bunker doors. We quickly set the charges and blew the place. As the battle around us began to wind down (what was left of the Imperial troops were bugging out,) Han sat me down and looked at my arm. He had torn the sleeve of my shirt off and was wrapping the burn when the sounds of celebrating filled the air. We looked up to see the second Death Star exploding into a giant fire ball. Han looked panic stricken. _

"_I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew." _

_I told him he wasn't. I could feel him presence and knew he was alive. I sat in total confusion as Han told me he knew I loved Luke and he would be the bigger man and step aside when Luke returned. Then it hit me. He didn't know. I laughed a little. The look on his face was priceless when I told him that Luke was my brother. I kissed him and could tell that it took a few seconds for it to sink in before he smiled and pulled me to him and kissed me back. After securing the Imperial prisoners and rounding up our own troops, we all headed back to the village._


	11. Chapter 11

_The celebration was in full swing. Everyone was there from the brass right down to the fighter pilots and field soldiers. Everyone was having such a great time. I was so relieved to see Luke walking towards me. I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. It was funny to see how Han's attitude towards him had changed so quickly. He smiled brightly at Luke and the two of them hugged briefly. (It was a manly hug, as Han would say a bit later.) Han pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. _

"_It's over" he whispered. _

_Deep inside I knew it wasn't completely over, but why ruin the moment? I also had the nagging thought at the back of my mind that I really needed to tell Han about the other part of my relationship with Luke. I was dreading how he would take it when he found out who our father was. I pushed all of the negative thoughts aside, determined to enjoy myself for a change. _

_The party carried on into the early hours of the morning and I found myself nearly falling asleep against Han's shoulder as he sat and shared battle stories with Lando, Wedge and a few other pilots. _

"_Hey sweetheart, you ready to call it a night?" _

_I nodded and smiled at him. He took my hand and pulled me up as he stood. _

"_Well boys, it's been fun, but I think it's time to go." _

_Lando gave Han a knowing look and Wedge tried to hide his smile behind his hand. I laughed and Han shook his head. "You guys should be ashamed of yourselves." Han tried to sound serious but was smiling the whole time. _

_We turned to leave and heard several low whistles from the group behind us. Han laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist, guiding me away from them._

_As we were heading away from what was left of the party we passed Luke. _

"_Goodnight Luke." I said to him. _

_I knew he wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to ruffle Han's feathers. _

"_Goodnight Leia", he responded in a sing-song voice. "Have fun." _

_I gave him a look as he and Han laughed. I swatted Han's arm. "In your dreams flyboy." _

"_What?" Han tried to sound innocent. _

"_You better be nice to my sister Solo." Luke tried to sound stern but failed miserably. _

"_Hey, I'm a nice guy, just ask Leia." _

_I huffed at him and rolled my eyes. "Come on you nerf herder I'm tired." I pulled him away as Luke laughed and we headed off towards the Falcon._


	12. Chapter 12

_It was a short walk through the woods to where Lando had landed the ship. I was weary and ready to collapse as we headed up the ramp. When we reached the top, Han closed and locked it. _

"_I feel like I could sleep for a week", I said. _

_Before I could move, Han pinned me to the wall and kissed me, deeply, passionately. It was more passionate than any other kiss we had ever shared. He pulled back slightly and stroked my cheek. "I wasn't sure if I would ever get the chance to do that again." _

_I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He pushed me harder against the wall as his hands held my hips. We stayed that way for a while, just kissing each other into oblivion. I felt his hands slide up and start working on the laces at the front of my dress and put my hands on his to stop him. _

"_What's wrong?" he asked breathlessly. _

_I could see the passion burning in his eyes. "Nothing." I lied. _

_He leaned in and placed soft kisses on my neck. I pulled away when he started tugging at the laces again. _

"_Leia." He sounded frustrated. "Why are you still afraid of me?" _

"_I'm not." I answered in a shaky voice. _

"_Please don't lie to me Leia." _

"_I'm not lying. I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of…" I trailed off embarrassed. _

"_What?" _

"_This, us. I love you Han but I don't..." I don't know why it was so hard to tell him. _

"_You don't love me that much?" he asked, sounding confused. _

"_No! I..." I lowered my voice even though it was only the two of us on board. "I don't know what I'm doing. I've never..." _

_Realization dawned on his face. "Oh Leia, sweetheart, I'm sorry. It never occurred to me." _

_I felt a tear run down my face. "I was only nineteen when we met you know." _

_He cupped my face and brushed away the tear with his thumb. "Don't cry honey. It's all right. We can take things as slow as you want. You know I would never hurt you. I love you too much." He kissed me gently. _

_I took a deep breath and figured it was all or nothing. I had to tell him about Vader. If we were going to have any type of relationship, I had to get it out. My eyes lowered to the floor. _

"_I have something else to tell you Han." I looked up at him and he looked worried. _

"_What is it Leia? You know you can tell me anything." _

"_This isn't easy for me." He took my hands and led me over to the bench at the holochess table. He sat me down and knelt in front of me. He brushed his fingers across my cheek. _

"_Leia, please, let me help you. Tell me what's bothering you." He sounded so sincere. _

_I found myself falling for him all over again. I nodded and grasped his hand. _

"_Han, do you remember last night in the village when you came to me as Luke was leaving? "_

"_Of course." _

"_Well, that was when he told me he was my brother." _

"_Okay." He sounded apprehensive. _

"_He also told me something else. Something I feel you have the right to know. I will completely understand if you want me to go after I tell you." _

_He gave me a look "Leia honey, why in the world would I ever want you to leave?" _

_I felt tears forming again as I gathered my courage. "Luke not only found out that we were brother and sister but he also found out who our birthfather was." _

_He looked at me silently. _

"_Anakin Skywalker. You probably know him better as Darth Vader." _

_I waited for his reaction. He was quiet for a few seconds, processing what I had just told him. I began to cry thinking he was going to flip out. "Is that all?" _

_I gave him an odd look. "Leia, I don't care who your father is or isn't. You have no control over that. You are who you are and I love you no matter what." _

_He pulled me up from the bench and hugged me tightly. _

"_Oh Gods Han, I love you so much. I was so worried." _

_We held each other for a few minutes before he kissed my forehead. _

"_Come on, why don't we get some sleep, it's been one hell of a day." I nodded. _

_He took my hand and led me to his (our) cabin. We changed for bed and held each other tightly as we drifted off to sleep._


	13. Chapter 13

_So here I sit in the galley of the Falcon writing all of this down. It's strange how everything has come flooding back to me in one morning. I woke up before Han and managed to get up without disturbing him. I still can't believe I've actually fallen for him. It's not that he isn't worth falling in love with, far from it. I just never thought I would ever find someone to love so much, especially someone like him. As the troops call us 'the princess and the pirate'. (Not that they say it directly to us, but rumors sure spread fast around the bases. It's the only entertainment they get most of the time.) _

_Yes, he is rather abrasive on the surface and when I first met him I would rather have slapped him than kiss him but underneath it all, he is truly a kind and caring person. Sure, he isn't perfect, but who is? He is the only person (besides Luke, and he doesn't count because he is my twin brother) I have ever met who has seen past the façade that I present. I guess it comes from years of training, having manners and protocol and 'proper' behavior drilled into your head constantly that makes a person that way. (Trying to make people respect you as a leader being a woman in your teens doesn't exactly help either. You have to come off as tough or no one will take you seriously.) Han is the first man to really realize that underneath it all I'm still a woman. _

_When I am with him I don't feel like I have my 'reputation' to uphold or worry about what I say being considered 'politically incorrect' or any of the other thousands of stupid little things I have to worry about on a daily basis. I can relax and be myself. I can be just plain old Leia. The fact that he knows I am far from perfect and loves me anyway is enough for me._

Leia was interrupted from her thoughts by a pair of strong hands on her shoulders and a pair of soft lips on the side of her neck. She smiled and sighed softly.

"Good morning sweetheart. I missed you when I woke up." He noticed the data pad on the table in front of her. "What are you writing? Please don't tell me you're already writing up a report for the Alliance."

She laughed at him. "No, I was actually writing about you."

He began to massage her shoulders and she leaned back into his touch. "Really? Anything good?"

"Maybe."

"Do I get to read it?"

"Maybe."

She smiled when he began kissing her neck again. "What can I do to persuade you?"

"Fix me breakfast." She laughed when he gave a frustrated groan.

He squeezed her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Whatever you want princess."

She knew he was playing by the tone of his voice. He left her and went about making them breakfast. She went back to her data pad to finish up.

_I have fallen in love with the most wonderful man in the galaxy. I know we still have a long way to go before true peace will come, but in the meantime I can allow myself the happiness that comes with being with Han. I hope this lasts a very long time. Right now I can not think of my world without him in it. I love him and he loves me. And I couldn't be happier._


End file.
